Someone emailed me this story. It was too cute not to share.
An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Showing posts with label Funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funnies. Show all posts
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Stupid People Really Amuse Me!
This was too good not to share.
This is why people should have stupid stamped across their forehead.
A man called 911 to complain about the escorts he hired. Yep he was arrested. Idiot!
That's almost as stupid as calling to report your weed was stolen.
Copyright © 2011 Virtualpatti. All Rights Reserved.
This is why people should have stupid stamped across their forehead.
A man called 911 to complain about the escorts he hired. Yep he was arrested. Idiot!
That's almost as stupid as calling to report your weed was stolen.
Copyright © 2011 Virtualpatti. All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Snake Bites Model's Breast and Dies
Israeli model Orit Fox was bit in her surgically enhanced breast while modeling with a boa constrictor.
"As she maneuvered the snake into position for the "kiss" Ms. Fox loosened her grip on its neck, and after being licked the reptile reacted angrily. It aimed straight for Ms. Fox's prized asset and sunk its teeth into her left breast." Maybe she forgot to brush her teeth.
Ms. Fox had to get a tetanus shot. The snake died a short time later from silicone poisoning.
Is it me? If the snake died of silicone poisoning wouldn't that mean it would have punctured the sack of silicone in the breast. Wouldn't you think the model should be seeing about getting a new breast implant? Wouldn't you think it would be leaking. I think more than a tetanus shot is required.
Video of Snake bite.
Copyright © 2011 Virtualpatti. All Rights Reserved.
"As she maneuvered the snake into position for the "kiss" Ms. Fox loosened her grip on its neck, and after being licked the reptile reacted angrily. It aimed straight for Ms. Fox's prized asset and sunk its teeth into her left breast." Maybe she forgot to brush her teeth.
Ms. Fox had to get a tetanus shot. The snake died a short time later from silicone poisoning.
Is it me? If the snake died of silicone poisoning wouldn't that mean it would have punctured the sack of silicone in the breast. Wouldn't you think the model should be seeing about getting a new breast implant? Wouldn't you think it would be leaking. I think more than a tetanus shot is required.
Video of Snake bite.
Copyright © 2011 Virtualpatti. All Rights Reserved.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Immigration Officer Put's His Wife On List Of Terrorist Suspects
This is a true story reported on dailymail.co.uk
An immigration officer tried to get rid of his wife by adding her to a list of terror suspects.
He used his access to security databases to put his wife on a watch list of people banned from boarding flights into Britain.
An immigration officer tried to get rid of his wife by adding her to a list of terror suspects.
He used his access to security databases to put his wife on a watch list of people banned from boarding flights into Britain.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Something Thinks Its Moving In !
For the last five years or so, I've been trying to grow my own vegetables, unsuccessfully, for one reason or another. This year I started hand pollinating and actually have about twenty green peppers on 7 or 8 plants. I'm so excited.
I go outside last night to empty the litter box; I'm hosing it out and think I'd better water the green peppers, still no rain. I aim the hose at the plant pot and notice the pot is half empty. All of the plants on the left hand side of the pot were broken off, but the broken off pieces were missing. Very odd, I said a few curse words and went back in the house.
I go outside last night to empty the litter box; I'm hosing it out and think I'd better water the green peppers, still no rain. I aim the hose at the plant pot and notice the pot is half empty. All of the plants on the left hand side of the pot were broken off, but the broken off pieces were missing. Very odd, I said a few curse words and went back in the house.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Is Your Computer Male or Female?
Originally posted 02/17/2010
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’
A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘**el** computador’), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’
A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘**el** computador’), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
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